28 Ass Slaps Later

Oh sure, I could have gone to sleep last night. Maybe I would have drifted off into a very detailed dream involving me, Jake Gyllenhaal and a secluded beach. But it was far more enjoyable to be kept awake by the shrieks of ecstasy coming from my upstairs neighbor. In addition to the moaning, ass slapping, and frequent falsetto arias (I think I might have even heard a barn animal or two), I was also privy to some of the most disturbing dirty talk ever uttered outside of hardcore porn videos.

Turning up the TV did little to drown out the hard-core f**cking going on above me. I turned on the stereo but immediately switched it off, not wanting to forever taint my enjoyment of the Once soundtrack. In the end, nothing worked and I was forced to lay there and listen to my neighbor take his girlfriend down the long road to Pleasure Town.

The lack of sleep has left me with huge dark circles under my eyes. Fortunately today is Halloween so my co-workers at the station just assumed it's part of some low rent costume. I guess that doesn't speak well for my professional wardrobe when it is so easily mistaken for a zombie costume.