I wish I knew how to quit you

The movie that opened at the theater this weekend drew a largely gay and lesbian audience. It has long been agreed amongst myself and my co-workers that gay men are the best audience to have. They dress and smell nice, they throw away their trash, and they make catty comments about obnoxious customers.

So we were all pretty excited for Friday night. Unfortunately we weren't prepared for the sheer volume of gays and lesbians. There was so much cologne flowing through that lobby that it smelled like a junior high dance.

I'd like to believe that it was my sparkling personality and expert popcorn popping skills that got me all that tip money, but some woman who looked not unlike a young Tom Brokaw told me that my tie was sexy and seductively stuffed two dollars into my tip cup. I could feel cheap about that, but I'm not above using my appeal to homosexuals to make a bit of money on the side.